Random Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had done things differently. Now, don't get me wrong, I am very, VERY happy with my life right now. I love my husband and my house and wouldn't trade them for anything! But yesterday I was walking through downtown Portsmouth on my way to a home visit for work, and I walked past this apartment building that really made me wonder what my life would have been like if, say, I'd gone to college in a different town, or if John and I didn't reconnect and eventually fall in love, etc. It was this big ol' brick building, the kind you would see in Boston, or Washington D.C. Okay, definitely don't get me wrong, I really don't want to live in either of those places, but you get what I mean, right?

Sometimes I wonder if my life had been done differently if I would have better stayed in touch with my friends from high school and/or college. I feel like the people I was such good friends with and I have drifted apart so much that I don't really know anything about them anymore, but I feel like I should be so much more in touch with them. Maybe some of it has to do with my recent discovery of the anxiety I have when I go out.

That's a whole different story though. I've recently started paying more attention to(though I've been aware of it for some time) the almost paralyzing anxiety I get when I go out somewhere, ususally by myself. There are some places that I don't get it - my next door neighbors house, work, church, church related meetings, out with a friend (so long as it's something that I initiate). But that's about it! But I'm okay when it comes to having people over. It's really bizarre.

Work was awful today. One of my clients was arrested last night. Another one was indicted on perjury charges. It seems like every time I turn around one of my assessments is blowing up, or I'm getting a new one to add to my caseload of... well 17 currently. Then if that's not bad enough, I'm getting yelled at by my supervisor because I was out sick all last week and my supervisor was yelling at me today about how I've got to make time in my day tomorrow to see three families. That's not so much the issue, as I've got to be at RCIA at 7pm. I really need to be there because I missed last week due to being ill and I CAN'T miss this week. I was, and am, really excited about being on the team this year that when I told my supervisor that it was going to be hard to fit all of that in because I need to be in Dover at 7pm and she said "Well, I guess you'll have to make it work." Or something to that effect. I came home totally ready to cry and I'm SO ready to be done with this. I just can't continue like this.

Anyway, that's enough ranting and raving for tonight. Oh, I'm having a jewelry party on Oct. 11th at 7pm. Its a Wednesday. If you're interested in coming, just e-mail me an RSVP so I can plan enough snacks.

I've been sick most of this week. There's this aweful cold/flu thing going around right now, and I was bound and determined to head it off at the pass. When I woke up on Monday, I felt like I'd been punched in the head, so I figured that I would take the day off and hope for the best by drinking a lot of water and relaxing. Then Tuesday I got up and was getting ready for work... and my tummy had other plans. So I stayed home again. Today I got up, again felt like I'd been punched in the face, but went to work anyway. Well, at 11 I was making my way back home again because I couldn't focus at work. So I came home and have been trying to nap and stuff since I got home. Ugh. It's such an awful feeling.

I met with Delia yesterday, and I sat there and talked about my job for about 40 minutes. By the time I was done ranting about it, we came to the conclusion that as passionate as I may feel about child protection, and as much as I believe in the job and what child protection is for, it is not something I can do. Delia basically said that she thought I would do well working in a school. That's a good thing to hear from someone in a similar field as me. So I've gotten my résumé all updated and such, and now it's just a matter of continuing to look until I see just the right thing. I'm really excited about working in a school. It will be nice to be on a similar schedule as John too. Not to mention summers off... it would be really nice to be able to volunteer for a while during the summer, I like that idea a lot. Or maybe take a couple of classes to work on my masters degree. That would be awesome too.

So now I'm just working on my laptop in the living room. Nick is coming over to visit John and I tonight. I feel bad for him, he and his girlfriend of several years just split up the other day. I hope John and I might be able to give him some help, sinc ewe've both been pretty uninvolved in the whole thing since the get go.

Oh, and for the record, I've started playing Jedi Academy. And yes, I'm probably going to be joinging the RA (for those of you involved that read this).

It's just another manic... Thursday?

I suppose I should start by raving about my new laptop. w00p w00p! Yeah new laptop! I'm going to be trying to sell my old one to my sister. My new one is another Dell Inspiron, but it's much more of a gaming system. Not that I'm a big gamer, but like... The Sims runs a million times smoother, and I can finally learn how to play Jedi Academy, which is much easier for me to play than Jedi Knight. JK, for some reason, makes me motion sick, but JA does not. So I started the training game tonight. And I can't figure out how to use force speed. So I need help. Anyone out there that can help me?

My sister moved in with us on the 2nd. That's been an adventure. I haven't had any major problems with her being here, little stuff, but we've been able to clear most of it up. The problem I'm having has been with my mom lately. My mom has been totally driving me nuts about my poor sister. But Kate's been hired at the Weathervane (thanks Mike!) and she starts there on Monday. That will be good.

Work has been work... not a whole lot of news there. I've had a few totally crazy days lately, and really long ones! Monday I didn't get home until 8pm, and I vow I'm NEVER doing that again if I could avoid it. Most of the time I think I am just going to quit when my year is up. But then I have a day that makes me think I could do this for a long time. I don't know. It's so hard to say. I guess I'll have to keep looking until I find just the right thing.

I feel like this entry is rambling, because I am watching that new show Happy Hour on Fox. It's very entertaining! My two new favorite shows are 'Til Death and Happy Hour. It's nice to watch stupid comedy.

My sister moved in with us Saturday. Then took off to go back to our parents house yesterday. She'll be back tonight and tomorrow night, then will have to drive back again on Wednesday so she can work at her old job. Her boss agreed to keep her on until she gets her Christmas bonus, because she's slated to get a pretty large one this year. Which is good, I guess, but it's going to make it very hard for her to get a job in this area.

John is downstairs working on his computer, but it's nice having the three day weekend to be able to spend time with him. We've had a good weekend together, and it's been fun. We both decided that we would become lectors at church, so that will be good. I'm excited about doing that. I'm meeting with Father Damien on Wednesday to talk to him about some other stuff, so I'm going to RSVP for the training on it for us that day.

It's been so crazy lately, I've been in this limbo between wanting to have a baby and wanting to wait a little longer. I've really been enjoying the time that is just John and I, but then I see someone with a baby, and I am just like "awww, I want one!!!" It's so hard. John and I will really have to talk about it, because of all of the medical stuff that I'll have to deal with in order to get pregnant. But that is definitely a conversation that I need to have with John. I would love to have a baby, but I love being able to just hang out with John.

I am not sure what else to update about, so I guess I'll wrap this up.