Just another update.

I've reached the epitome of laziness when it comes to blogging. I'm at the point now where I just write in one for like... a month. Then I go onto MySpace and just copy the whole thing for the REST of the world to catch up on. I'm not sure if any of you have noticed that my entries on MySpace have become friends only... Probably not, but that's okay. I wish that LiveJournal would do something like MySpace though - show that a post was made, but that you have to be a friend to read it. (I can't believe I just said I wish LiveJournal did something like MySpace. It's usally the other way around!)

I've been feeling super mushy towards John lately. I don't know if he's noticed, or what, but it's really weird. In a good way. I think. =) I might be biased though. So I'm sad because he's out at a rehearsal tonight. But last night was fun, Janelle, me and Kim got to go to his last Gilford Community Band concert. That was a good time. Kim and Janelle seemed to hit it off alright (correct me if I'm wrong, guys!)

But Janelle came to see me!!!!!! I was so excited! We got to hang out, and talk about people that we went to high school with, and people that we went to high school with that we have found on MySpace. It was so nice to just catch up with her! She looks fantastic too, she's dropped a ton of weight since high school, she's a little skinny minnie now. I must have gained it all =(

Anyway, I guess that's about all for now.

Mushy entry alert! Mushy entry alert! Mushy entry alert!

There, now don't say I didn't give you fair warning!

I love it when I have weekends that my husband can do no wrong. I love weekends in which everything he says or does makes me fall in love with him an infinite number of times more than I loved him before (which was an awful lot to begin with!)

I can't really pinpoint anything specific that John did for me this weekend. I can't think of any one magical thing that happened that made me really head over heels crazy. It was just like... the whole weekend we had so much fun together that it couldn't have been much better! We celebrated John's 26th birthday on Friday like we always do - with a round of mini golf and an adventure in Ogunquit. But for some reason, it was just an incredibly nice weekend!

The other thing that was really nice was that John told me that I was beautiful. There's something so wonderful about hearing that from the person you love! He doesn't say it much (not that I think he thinks I'm ugly on a regular basis), but when he does, it makes it amazing. On the flip side... I wish he would say it more. It does wonders for my self esteem! He also told me twice this weekend how proud of me he has been about financial decisions I'd been making. Not that I haven't deserved the pride that he's giving me (because I have, dammit!!!), but it was just another one of those things that I don't get to hear very often, but love to know he feels that way. For some reason, there is something incredible about knowing your husband (significant other/partner/bf/gf/whatever) is proud of you. Those are two things I need to hear more of in my life.

Anyway, I'm done being mushy now. I'm going to look for a replacement for the Christian Fish that was on my car that someone stole off it...

Playing catch up

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people. Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others. You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others. You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

I figured it had been a while since I last updated, and so it was time to play some catch up. I don't really feel like I have a lot to write about though.

I can't remember if I touched on our camping trip in my last post. That was a lot of fun - the Hancock Old Home Days was a good time, but I was sad that my family, due to circumstances beyond anyones control, had to cancel our family reunion that usually happens that weekend. But Old Home Day's was still fun. We had fun cooking at the campground on the open fire - we ate more s'mores than I care to think about! I guess that's part of the fun of camping though. We had a massive thunderstorm move through the last night we were there. Poor Chris and Kim - everything in their tent got soaked! And our poor dog, he was such a good sport. We had to keep him in his crate all morning because he was soaked and it was pouring out! So when John and I were finally at the camp ground long enough, we let him get into the car and we turned the heat on. Then he was finally happy!

Work is still... work. I had a 6 month review, in which my boss basically said I was doing a good job. Just a couple of things to work on. We had this discussion about how I'm finding that I have some days that I just don't want to come into work the next day, and then some that make me really love this job. Now I need to try to be attuned to what makes a day fall into one of those categories. I've decided that when my year is up, or almost up, I am going to start looking for a new job. This is not the job I was meant for, and you know? That's okay with me. I wouldn't have known it if I hadn't done it. So now all I can do is go in, do this job as best as I can, and go from there. Who knows, maybe something will happen in the next 4 months that will make me really love the job...

Yesterday we took John back to school shopping. I picked up a couple of shirts for myself. It was fun though! Friday was his birthday, so I took the day off from work, we registered our cars, then went up to Ogunquit for the day. We played two rounds of mini golf at Wonder Mountain - they have two courses there and we played them both. I got 3 holes in one! And John got 2! It was so cool. Then we went down to the beach and found two really huge shells. Next it was on to Perkins Cove, where we spent over $8 in the candy store. I LOVE that store. Maybe I'll have some salt water taffy for breakfast... mmmm. That night we hit up Margaritas in Portsmouth for dinner. Also mmmmm. =) I've had a really awesome weekend with my husband this weekend. It great when you feel so connected to someone - and that's exactly how I felt. I have felt very in tune with him this weekend, and that we were on the same page the whole time. It is SOOOO nice when that happens. Plus, it helps that I got a few unexpected but very welcome comments from him. He told me how beautiful I was the other night. It's not that I don't think he thinks it, it's that he doesn't say it! I almost cried from happiness when he said it. Then yesterday he told me he was proud of me for the financial decisions I'd been making. Not that I didn't think I deserved those too, but it's not often that I hear that type of thing from him. Keep it coming! My self esteem has needed those kinds of compliments lately.

I guess that's about all from here. I'm gonna go watch infomercials on TV and feed Kane...

Randomness

1. Do you really make wishes when you blow out the candles on your cake?
Yes.

2. Have any of the wishes ever come true, if yes?
Yes, they absolutely have!

3. How do you feel about birthdays? (e.g., love the attention, just another day, don't want anyone to know my real age, etc.)
I love having the attention, but at the same time, I hate having a big deal made of it. It makes me sad when I don't hear from people though. So thanks to all you who sent me happy birthday wishes!

4. Tell us a favorite gift you've received, or something you'd really like for your next birthday.
John gave me a hammock for the back yard this year! Fucking dog...

5. What flavor cake?
I like marble personally

And from [info]fortysomething The Friday Four:
1. How far back can you trace your roots? Does your family tree have any tales to tell?
Umm, Great grandparents on my moms side, and not really... Except that I am distantly related to the guy who said "Don't shoot until you see the white's of their eyes" in the Revolutionary war.

2. Who in your family are you most like? For example, do you have your father's big nose and your grandmother's lovely singing voice?
Not sure, I'm adopted.

3. Is blood thicker than water? Have you ever severed contact or drifted apart from anyone in your immediate family?
Well, having been adopted, not really. I think it's a personal thing.

4. How would you react if you learned you had a sibling (or close relative) you didn't know about? If you have experienced this, how did you react?
Been there, done that, and it's a very surreal thing. Not bad, and not necessarily good (I hope none of them take this the wrong way!), just surreal. I kind of don't aknolwedge that we're even really related until well after the fact.

Random Thoughts

I must be quite the site to see when I get out of my car in the morning at work. Especially on the days after I have a late home visit the previous day. I'm like... manuvering myself into unnatural positions just so I can fit out the door because the cars are all parked too close together. I realized just how amusing it must be when I do that when I pulled in this morning and there was a couple of women standing outside staring at me while I was doing my morning exercise routine of getting out of my car.

On a happier note, I finished the Poisonwood Bible finally! It only took me almost a year. Not because it was a bad book, but because I didn't discipline myself to sit down and really read it. So maybe in a year or two I'll re-read it. Now I've moved on to Dreams of Trespass, it's about a girl who grew up in a harem. One of my coworkers said it was a good read, so I bought it at this cute bookstore/cafe in Berwick. All the books are used, and the hot chocolate is amazing. I love shops like that. I could live in one. I should open one some day. Maybe I will. Kim could come work at it with me. It would be a piece of cake for her! How's that sound Kim? We can run our robotic kitchenware business out of the back room.

Camping this weekend - w00p w00p! We're bringing Kane with us, and I've spent a lot of the night getting ready to go, preparing food that can be cooked over an open fire and getting all sorts of other stuff ready too. Especially Kane's stuff. I just realized that I haven't packed any of his cookies in his bag, but I've got just about everything else! Tomorrow we'll just need to remember his water bowl, because I have a travel food dish for him. I'm so excited to go - I haven't been camping in a long time!

Saturday is my birthday too, so that will be fun. 25 years old - quarter of a century. Wow. It's also Hancock Old Home Days, which means parades, craft fairs and the thrift shop! Saturday night brings with it Kimballs and the Jaffrey Fireworks. Yeah Jaffrey Fireworks!!! It should be a cool one, I guess they're doing classical music this year. Who can miss a show called "Classically Pyro?" Dave T, this one's for you!

Toronto!

Toronto was a ton of fun! I posted all of the photos on my Yahoo photos website. It was a lot of driving and I am pretty sure I hate riding in a car now though. Friday we drove to just outside of Syracuse to stay in a hotel. Then the next morning we headed up to Niagara Falls (the Canada side) and had lunch and got to see the falls. It was really neat! We took a lot of pictures and movies there. Then we headed up to Toronto. That was good - the place we stayed, Casa Loma Inn, was really pretty. In John's words, though, the service was lacking. It was just one woman running the place and we never saw her except to check in. It was a little less personable than the other places we'd stayed on our honeymoon, which is kind of unfortunate. But our room was beautiful - made me kind of feel like a princess! It was strange to be sleeping in a king size bed - John and I could toss and turn all we want and we never smashed into each other! Not to mention, having an air conditioner in the bedroom was a welcome change also. Saturday night we went to Medieval Times. I love that place. Love it, love it, love it! Oh my goodness. I've been three times now, and every time I just love it! I told John that if there was a Medieval Times in NH, I would quit my job in a heartbeat! I am so fascinated by medieval stuff. I should really start researching it and becoming more familiar with it.
Sunday we took a tour of Casa Loma and that was so cool! There's a bunch of pictures of that in the photos too. That afternoon, we went back to Niagara Falls and did the Maid of the Mist tour, which is when you go on a boat and they actually take you out into the falls. We got soaked, but it was so much fun! Then we did the Journey Behind the Falls, which was a fun too, but the Maid of the Mist was much better. It was a really neat place to be at night, they shine colored lights on the falls which makes them look so pretty. It's a really cool natural wonder that we learned a bunch about. Monday we just drove home. It was a long drive, but fortunately we didn't kill each other! We definitely got snippy a few times, but it happens.
The bummer all weekend was that I had a wicked sore throat. So we got home and I felt like I had a fever and that I was really getting sick. I didn't even sleep at all last night and I called out from work at 3:30am today. I went to the doctors and the nurse practitioner thinks that it's either a serious case of strep or mono. My glands are super swollen and I have all these white spots in my throat and all kinds of good stuff. The ARNP was like "How can you even swallow?!" and I was like "Very carefully!" I have a fever, which has been making this really hot weather really interesting. My body feels hot, but internally I feel really cold. Does that even make sense??
I hope it's not something that makes me be out of work a lot. I don't have the time available to be sick!
As I started to mention briefly in my last entry, I'm taking a family to court. The very first one in almost 8 months. I can't believe it took this long for me to file on a family. Not complaining though! I'm a nervous wreck about it though. I have to face the family in court on Wednesday on the CHINS petition that was filed on the kid, who has his own issues.

Now is the hour of our discontent...

I couldn't tell you what that's from. Mainly because I can't remember. But it pretty well sums up how I've been feeling about my job lately. Distressed and discontent. Work has got me really stressed out. And I'm starting to take all of the major illnesses I've had this year as signs that this may not be the job for me. There has to be some reason why I've been hospitalized for a kidney infection that actually wasn't, not to mention the pain in my side and now this last bout of strep/mono/we-don't-know-what's-wrong-wi

th-you that lasted just about a week and had me flat on my back from Tuesday through Friday. Odd that I happened to catch that on the same week that I was supposed to go to court and file on my first family.

I tried to talk to John about it last night. I don't know if it was that he didn't hear me or if it was that I don't really know how to describe how I've been feeling about it. I tried to explain to him that it just doesn't feel right. The job doesn't feel like a good fit for me. That despite being passionate about who the Division is and what the Division does, I'm just kind of mediocre at it, and that I'm never going to get much better at it. He tried to tel me I might want to get out of assessement and into family service. Well, I knew from day one that I did not want to be a family service worker, and now I'm not sure assessment is where I want to be. I think I missed my calling. Everyone I knew kept saying I should be a teacher, I should be a teacher. And I always said that I wouldn't have the patience to be a teacher. Now I can say that I don't have the patience to deal with stupid parents. And I know that even though I'd have to do that as a teacher, I don't have to try to tell them how to be better parents, when I don't even know the first thing about rasing children myself.

I don't feel like I connect with my supervisor at all, so I'm going to keep my eyes open and see if I can transfer into the Rochester office if they get an opening. Maybe that will help with some of it. But I don't think that will be the final fix. I keep trying to look into geting my M.Ed. but it just seems like such an expensive and tedious plan for someone who can only go part time. If I go the M.Ed. route, I can become a guidance counselor or something along those lines, and I know I would enjoy that much more. The other thing I think I would enjoy is working for an agency that helps people apply for jobs. You know what I mean? Teaching someone how to write a résumé and fill out a job application seems like it would be such a rewarding thing - and then when they get hired?! How exciting!

My biggest problem is that I have so many interests in so many things that there is just no way to tie them all together. I could probably bounce from job to job for the rest of my life and never be completely happy with one of them, but always really enjoying the idea behind the job.

But like I said - I think I'd be happiest working in a school. John and I would be on similar schedules, which would be REALLY nice when we get around to having kids. If we could afford the pay cut, I would become a sub in January and start taking some classes to work towards an M.Ed, but I know we couldn't afford that. If I made $70/day working all five days, I'd only be grossing $350/week. That's before taxes, and then with the mortgage on top of that, it would never work.

Anyway, I'm sure you're all really bored with reading about the fact that I'm pretty sure I want a new job come January, so I'm going to stop bitching about it and get outside to enjoy the weather.

Oh, and it was from Richard III.