Family Dinner Etiquette

Does your family eat with elbows on the table? Food in their mouth? Do they back talk you? What are some good ways to deal with rude behavior? If your family is anything like mine, you may have some work to do. 

It seems that today’s kids are bombarded with images of rude behavior - on TV, the bus, or in the classroom. It's considered "normal" to see kids wearing earphones while having a conversation with someone, or to spend hours on the phone or computer without regard to other family members needs.

So, what are some ways to deal with this behavior, and work towards modifying it? Let's look at some ideas:

1) Start by saying "Please," "Thank you," and "You're welcome." This is one of the most basic forms of etiquette, and one that people will appreciate anywhere, not just the table. Use these words all the time with your children, and they will start using them too. Role play, if that helps.  

2) Offer to help. Help set the table or clear the table. Imagine how impressed friends parents would be if your child helps with dinner! Definite brownie points with the girlfriend/boyfriend if the parents see this as the child gets older! These kids are sure to be invited over again.

3) Positive reinforcement - Point out the good behavior when you see it. Children like to please their parents, especially younger children. As a parent, I know that my daughter responds much better to positive reinforcement then to me yelling “No, don’t do that!”

4) Have a conversation - not a noise-fest! Don't allow children (or adults!) to talk with food in their mouths, or to chew with their mouth open. These noises are aggravating to some, and no one wants to see the food you've got in your mouth. 

5) Begin teaching etiquette from an early age. Many kids have never been told not to put their elbows on the table, or to put their napkin in their lap. Kids don't automatically know what to do or what is right or wrong. It is amazing the number of dates that go unrepeated because of poor dinner manners, or the number of job interviews that have been flunked over a lunch meeting. Start kids on the right track early! 

Keep in mind, these are only my suggestions. What are some of your tips for teaching your kids manners at the dinner table? Any creative suggestions? What has worked and hasn't worked? I'd love to hear your ideas!

I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Kraft Homestyle Macaroni and Cheese blogging program, for a free gift card worth $50. For information on how you can participate, click here.

Funnix Beginning Reading Program

Through the end of January, Funnix is offering their Beginning Reading program and Funnix 2 program for FREE! Since I'm all for anything that's free, I decided to give it a shot, since it's about a $249 purchase, typically.

We haven't started the program yet, but I figure since Hannah can recognize all of her letters and knows at least one sound most of them make, I thought it wouldn't necessarily hurt to give it a whirl. 

The course was put together by Siegfried Engelmann. "Zig" received the Council of Scientific Society Presidents' 2002 Award of Achievement in Education Research, and has authored books including Give Your Child A Superior Mind and Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons. You can find out more about Zig here. Looks like he's done some pretty impressive stuff, so I was inclined to try this program out. 

Everything I've heard is that this isn't a program to park your child in front of, then let them do it while you vacuum the living room - which is fine with me, because 1) I hate vacuuming, and 2) I wanted something that I could do with my daughter. We haven't gotten to start it yet, like I said above, but I have installed the program on my computer, and I need to find some time to print out all the papers that go with the program. There are 120 sheets that go with the first lessons, and 100 that go with the second, all of which need to be printed in order to use it with the program. There is also a teachers guide that goes with it, which I will read, but probably won't print out, because who can afford to print that much stuff??

The PDF workbooks are included so you are getting almost the complete Funnix system, which normally costs $249 plus shipping. There are no special codes required and it appears they are offering the Funnix system for free during the entire month of January. Also, the software won't expire, so once you have it, you have it forever.

The downloads take about an hour each on a cable internet connection, and there are three of them, so don't plan to download this when you want to start working with your child. This will take some preparation. I'll keep everyone posted of our progress (or not, if there isn't any), and I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on the Funnix program too. Have you tried it? What do you think of it? Did it work for your child(ren)?

Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored review. The Funnix software if free to everyone until January 31 (per the Funnix site). I am sharing this as a helpful resource to others who want to teach their child to read.

Moms on strike

Today I checked out an amazing blog post by Holly Robinson, a freelance writer who works from home. A mom of three, ages 6 -16, she went on strike to show her family what it is, exactly, that she does around the house.

It’s a long, detailed description of how the seven days she spent on strike went, and it got me thinking. I would love to go on strike, so my husband could see how much housework and what not I do around the house.

Sure, he’s pretty good at keeping up with dishes, he cooks (more than me, usually), he mows the lawn and keeps up our car maintenance. Outside of those things, though, he doesn’t really DO anything around the house. He plays with Hannah (age 2) and our pets, but mostly he plays video games or whatever. I just had to explain to him why you can’t let Hannah stay up in her room for 30 minutes after she wakes up from a nap because she trashes her bedroom. She’s two, and she’s bored, for Pete’s sake! What else is she going to do?

I am usually the one to clean the kitchen, sweep, vacuum (though he’s been better about that since being home on summer vacation), and I’m the only one that does laundry. In his defense, he did fix the washer when it was broken, and he’s kind of a “d0-it-yourself-er,” because he’s tiled two floors in our house, and has the ambition to remodel our bathroom soon. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great. But sometimes it makes me want to go on strike too.

He claims he “doesn’t see”  the clutter that’s in our house. I would be the first one to believe that. I can’t tell you the number of times he’s walked by piles of clothes and not done anything about it. But I’d love to not do anything for a week and see what happens.

Oh sure, I’d still go to my job, but I mean not do anything around the house. No cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no feeding the pets, no shopping. I’ll play with my daughter, but the discipline and everything? That would be all him. I would get to be the one to go out two or three nights a week, instead of him going to a rehearsal, I would just go out with a friend or something and let him do everything at home.

I don’t think I’d have the conviction to stick to it though. I guess this just means that we should talk about some of that stuff. Who knows, maybe I’ll get home today, and the new storm windows will be installed on my upstairs windows and the broken screen in the front of the house will be fixed. All without prompting. Maybe.

Free Range Kids – revisited

ORIGINAL POST DATE: July 10, 2010

I realized after I wrote my post last night about Free Range Kids that I needed to make some clarifications on my exact thoughts.

I agree in the idea of free range parenting, but obviously it has to be within reason. The age of reason is around 7 years old. It would be stupid to expect that my 2 year old, right now, would understand the “rules of the road” to ride a tricycle down our street. She doesn’t have that capability yet. By the same token, if she’s playing in the sandbox here at home, I’m not going to stand right next to her, I might hang out laundry or read nearby. That way, I can make sure she’s not eating sand, or something that will make her sick, but she doesn’t have to play a certain way either.

I agree that the way she advocates for free range does seem a little extreme. I don’t think I’d let a 9 year old ride the NYC subway alone, but maybe an 11 or 12 year old. I think that staying within earshot is reasonable. I also think that it’s definitely a highway/road safety thing, at least for me, than being afraid that my kid gets a scrape on their knee. It’s a good way for them to learn how to cope.

I hope that explains my position a little better!

Free Range Kids

ORIGINAL DATE WRITTEN: July 8, 2010
So, the other day in the car, I’m listening to NPR. (I know, I’m boring. My daughter actually asks me to turn on the news in the radio now, and she’s only 2.) They have a woman by the name of Lenore Skenazy on there talking during the show I’m listening to. Now, at this point, I’ve never heard of this woman, nor the concept of which she is speaking. But I decide to listen.

Skenazy is discussing this idea of Free Range Kids. And the more I listen, the more I realize that thats the type of parenting I want to do for my daughter. It’s the idea that parents need to allow kids the freedom to “explore” the world we live in – ride the subway alone, walk to the neighbors house, play outside, get dirty, all without the parent hovering (think: opposite of helicopter parenting).

She isn’t saying that parents should be passive and not pay attention. By all means, supervise your kid. Don’t let them bike down the road if they don’t know the proper rules to do so safely. Don’t let your 2 year old wander into someone else’s yard to play with an unfamiliar dog.

In Skenazy’s own words, copied from the Free Range Kids blog: “We are not daredevils. We believe in life jackets and bike helmets and air bags. But we also believe in independence. Children, like chickens, deserve a life outside the cage. The overprotected life is stunting and stifling, not to mention boring for all concerned.”

It’s common to find parents that feel that our world has become less safe, but statistically, Skenazy finds, that just isn’t true. ”Over at the think tank STATS.org, where they examine the way the media use statistics, researchers have found that the number of kids getting abducted by strangers actually holds very steady over the years. In 2006, that number was 115, and 40% of them were killed.”

I grew up in an extremely small town, with a population of about 1,500 people. My parents never locked the door when we left the house, never locked the car when running to the store, and didn’t worry about leaving me home alone when I entered 5th grade. Now I live in a city with a population of 30,000 people, and we don’t go anywhere without locking our house and our cars (as of recently, we can’t even leave the cars parked in our driveway for the night without someone ransacking them, apparently, but that’s for another post.) However, we also know that we are confidant enough in where we live that we can let our 2 year old play outside while we sit on the deck with a book. We aren’t afraid to let her toddle off a little ways ahead of us while visiting the beach so that she can check out some rocks before we tell her that she’s climbing too high.

I, personally, believe that Free Range Parenting is a good thing, and I am not afraid to admit it. I think our society has become so over-informed because of our constant access to information, that we just aren’t willing to think that maybe, just maybe, our kids are safe.

“Not that facts make any difference. Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing.” Skenazy makes some exceptionally valid points in her blog.

I would strongly encourage ALL parents to look at her blog, read it, absorb it, and then decide what works for you and what doesn’t. Take a good, hard look at the statistics about crime in our country. Children are far more likely to be abused or otherwise mistreated in their own homes than by a stranger. Keep that in mind, the next time you decide to let your child ride their bike to the neighbors house, one block away.

10 Tips for Managing and Organizing Your Family

As the mom, it is often my job to keep my family organized - who is going where, when, and for how long. I thought I would share some of my ideas for how I manage to keep my family organized and on schedule!

1) Plan Dinners in Advance. I go shopping every week for groceries. Before I go, though, I plan out a weeks worth of dinners for every night - taking into account if my husband has an orchestra rehearsal, or will be teaching music lessons after work and will be getting home late. This allows me to plan out my grocery list, as well as dinners that will let us eat as a family and still get everyone where they need to go on time.

2) Use a Planner. Now, it just so happens that I need one for my job anyway, to keep track of appointments. But even if you're a stay at home mom, use a planner, or a pocket calendar, or something you can use to keep track of appointments. Review it every day, in the morning and again before bed, so you know exactly what's coming up when. I even use highlighters to block out places I will be for a chunk of time (work, play group, etc.) so that I won't schedule anything that interferes with those things.

A calendar is a great way for everyone to stay on top of the daily schedule as well. My family uses a white board calendar on our refrigerator – we’re all likely to see it there!

Google Calendars is another great way to stay organized if your kids are older and can use the computer effectively on their own.

3) Create an Emergency Binder. This is a binder that has copies of everyone’s vital information and important documents (birth certificates, social security cards, bank information, etc.). That way, if your house ever has an emergency, you can just grab it and get out. The link above will take you to a website where you can download a zip file of documents to use to get you started.

4) Have a Routine. Try sticking to a certain time frame everyday. This will help keep you organized and it will be easier to manage your time. If something happens unexpectedly, you will be able to figure out how to get back on track easily. This also helps young children know what they can expect next (such as they always take a nap after lunch).

5) Take time for yourself. Everyone knows the line "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." What we, as moms, never realize, is how true that is. Take an hour every day (if possible, otherwise, settle for 10 or 15 minutes), and do something just for you. Do yoga, paint your nails, knit, whatever. If you can relax and refresh for a few minutes, you'll be much more open to dealing with things with your kids or significant other.

6) Everything has a place. If your kids know to leave their coat and shoes at the door, they'll be able to find them in the morning while rushing to get ready for school. If homework is always completed, checked and put back in their folder the night before, they will have it when they get to school. If your keys go in them same spot when you get home, you'll know where to look for them the next time you need to go out. Create a spot for the most frequently used things in your home (cell phone, keys, coats, shoes, backpacks, and so on) so family members always know where to find them. This will save time and frustration for everyone. Remember, don’t just put it down, put it away!

7) Declutter. Its spring, and what better time to get rid of some stuff that you haven't touched over the last 6 years.

- Clean out your closets and donate the items to a homeless shelter or Good Will. Same with your kids toys: Have them pick the toys they absolutely cannot part with. The ones they don't play with much, but can't seem to get rid of should go in a storage bin in your basement, attic or other storage area. Anything they haven't touched in 6 months though, is gone. Remind them that there are kids who may not have as many toys as they do, and those kids should get to have play things too.

- Group like things together in every room. Put all of your like cooking utensils together. Put all your towels together. Put all of your winter coats together. Sort mail when it arrives - get rid of anything that is junk (make sure you shake it out so you don't throw away something important!), put bills in one place, and everything else in another place. Our house uses boxes that are sorted by each person - a box for mom’s mail, a box for dad’s mail, and so on.

Don’t try to do it all at once, though, or you’ll get overwhelmed and won’t finish.

8) Don’t yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Short, sweet and to the point.

9) Look for useful tools online or on your phone. I am cell phone savvy, but I’m not someone who spends a lot of time on my cell phone. I do, however, spend a lot of time on the computer. There are some great websites to help keep your house organized. Here are some examples:

Packandfind.com – know what’s in all the boxes in your attic

Yourgarageonline.com – keep track of all your vehicles service records

Ohdontforget.com – set up reminders to be sent to your phone as a text message.

Rememberthemilk.com – Create task lists and manage them from anywhere, get reminders via e-mail, text message or IM, manage tasks offline and more.

10) Ask for help. Let’s face it – we’re not supermoms (or superdads), as much as we want to feel like it. Put some responsibility on other family members to help keep track of the daily schedule. Ask for help from friends and family if you start feeling overwhelmed. You might be surprised at how big your support network really is!

Disclosure: This post is part of a blogging contest from the TwitterMoms community. There is a chance this post could be randomly selected to win a $50 Target GiftCard, so wish me luck! For more details, you can view the contest page here (http://icomp.ly/IconApps).

Mamapedia

It's 2:00 a.m. and your three month old is crying...a lot. You're a first time mother, and while you've got a ton of questions, you called your mom at 2:00 in the morning last night about that crazy looking diaper, so you'd really like to get through this one on your own.

But where can you turn?

Mamapedia is a new site that takes the wisdom of thousands and thousands of moms and makes is searchable! You can head to the computer with that screaming infant in your arms and type,

"Why does my baby cry so much at night?"

And this is what you'll find - an article about a mom who asked a question titled "Sleepless Nights with a 13 week old" and the responses of forty-four moms. You can read those forty-four answers while bouncing your baby, and with a little luck by the time you are through your infant will be fast asleep and you will feel better as well.

To launch this new mom resource, the Momfluence network and Resourceful Mommy are throwing a party. Join us on Twitter this Friday, May 8th, from 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. eastern time along with mom experts in a variety of parenting areas: multiples, kid crafting, health and safety, potty training, home schooling and more!

During the party, details about a "What Can I Learn Today?" contest will be revealed...along with the incredible grand prize.

Join us by http://resourcefulmommy.blogspot.com/2009/05/mamapedia-sitewarming-friday.html">RSVP'ing here!

This event brought to you by Momfluence: rocking the cradle and shaping the world.

Mothers Day Gift Ideas

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More Great Gift Ideas

April Cornell Shoulder Bag

BabyPlus System

Not Just Any Old Day Keyrings

Menu For The Week Subscription

For My Mother Reflection Journal

Vintage Body Spa

No Throw

Me Time Sportswear

Peek-A-Boobs

Kind Notes

Aventine Hill Bath Products

Treadlight Eco Snack Kit

Name Your Tune CDs

Things Remembered Charm Stories

Diaper Clutch

Pedometer

Lia Sophia Riverside Necklace

Lia Sophia Beaujolais Necklace

Lia Sophia Mandalay Bay Necklace

Lia Sophia Athena Necklace

Lia Sophia Love Dust Set

More Great Gift Guides

The Mom Maven

MomECentric

All reviews listed in the Momfluence gift guide were product provided. 

Featured positions were purchased by sponsors.  Member gift guides are not affiliated with Momfluence. 

It's a jungle sometimes!

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

What to do when tempers flare... hmm... Well, with an almost-15-month-old, that can happen way more than I'd like it too. So let see what the best way to handle it is:

1) Scream and yell. Well, I'm pretty sure that's not going to work. That's only going to escalate the situation! On the upside, it can show your kids that you have feelings and get frustrated too, though it probably wouldn't be the preferred method of choice.

2) Ignore them/Walk away from them. Ahhh, yes. As much as I would LOVE for this one to work, it just won't, most of the time. Why? Safety issues. If I ignore my daughter and she finds an uncovered outlet, we're going to have some big, big problems. (Not that I have any uncovered outlets in my house, mind you.) There are a few times that I think it will work: in the supermarket/department store/park/etc. If you ignore the behavior (assuming it's a temper tantrum in the middle of the isle), kids will learn that they won't get the attention they want that way. However, tantrums are ususally a way of a kid expressing their frustration when they don't have the vocabulary for it. They can be scary for kids, because they don't know why their out of control.

3) Firmly tell them why they can't do what they're doing. This one probably makes the most sense to me. Besides, what you're doing is establishing rules/guidelines/givens or any other thing you call them in your house. Using words like "Stop" instead of "Don't" or "No" will likely work better, because, frankly, what's the first think you want to do if someone says "don't open the box on the table!" Get the drift?

So, now it's 3:30pm, way past nap time, your kids having a meltdown, and you can't cope anymore. How do you take care of YOU? Some tips from me.

1) Put your kid in his crib, pack 'n' play, somewhere safe and take a shower.
2) Grab the stroller and go for a walk (weather permitting).
3) Count to 10.
4) Get a drink of water just to get out of the room your in.
5) Seek out help with the kids.
6) Change your laundry over from the washer to the dryer.
7) Tell your kids what's wrong. You'd be amazed at how much help they want to give if you say you're having a hard day too.
8) Try breathing deeply.

Then, start creating a normal routine that incorperates things you enjoy in your free time (whatever THAT is!):
1) Try a new hobby
2) Exercise
3) Become financially savvy - not the same thing as having all kinds of extra money, just know how to use what you have wisely.
4) Delegate tasks. If your kids are old enough to empty the dishwasher, let them! If their not, teach them how to put away the tupperware.

Those are just a few tips from me to you on navigating the "Mommy Meltdown." Don't let the stress get you down - don't let it get to you in the first place!

It's Hip Hop, Baby!

Last Friday, I got the best thing in the mail - It's Hop Hop, Baby!

Hannah (14 months) isn't quite old enough to understand all the songs on the "All Your Child's Favorites" DVD we got, but she sure did enjoy it! With great games like "Simon Says" and "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" all put to upbeat music, it's a kids movie that I actually enjoyed watching and participating in with her! She sure thought that jumping up and down with mommy during "Simon Says" was a good time! Although she doesn't know how to do "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" yet, she sure figured out that she should be dancing with that music on pretty quick!

We had a wide variety of songs and short breaks in the 30 minute video. I think the best part was when the kids were asked their favorite letter, and my daughter chimed in with the letter "C!" (Okay, she didn't really know what she was doing, but she just learned how to say the letter C, so she heard other kids saying it, and she was NOT going to be left out of this.)

This is a great way to get parents and kids up and moving together. I actually am looking forward to getting to watch it with her again!

It's Hip Hop, Baby is available at Amazon.com here for the great price of $7.99 or on their website. I definitely think it's worth it!

It's Hip Hop, Baby!

I'm so excited! I was selected to review the DVD "It's Hip Hop, Baby" that went on sale on amazon.com yesterday (3/17).

It looks like a really fun DVD that gets toddlers and preschoolers up and moving, all while teaching them their ABC's and numbers, among other things. On top of it, there are hip hop dance steps that kids can learn, which is great to get them up and moving. Plus, it is something I could do with Hannah to help her get interested. Basically, the creator took all kinds of kids songs, and made them a little more contemporary.

For more information, check out www.itshiphopbaby.com or visit their blog at itshiphopbaby.blogspot.com

I'll let you know more once I check out the DVD!

Grandma Says I Can - Part II

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

Okay, so part two of "Grandma Says I Can" got me thinking a little bit. As I watched what the parents in the video were saying, I realized that Hannah's grandparents are very different from each other. One set of grandparents, I have to explain everything to in detail, just to make sure they don't wreck her daily schedule. The other set, I just say, "This is how it is," and they take it from there. But, both sets of grandparents want to help her grow up to be the best little person she can be, which is very obvious from the time they spend with her.

One grandparent lets her watch TV all day. The other won't turn the TV on if she's in the house. One would rather sing songs and play blocks. The other likes to look at books and play with dolls. Is one grandparent right? Not in my book.

I typically let either set of grandparents get away with just about anything, unless, like I said in the part one post about picking my battles, it's a dietary or safety issue.

I don't know... I guess I don't have much to say for this post that I haven't said before.

What does Daddy do?

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

The latest episode of Juicebox Jungle (above) about dads helping out with the kids got me thinking about how our family works.

Hannah (now 13 1/2 months) LOVES to help unload the dishwasher. So much so, she tries to unload the dishwasher when we're in the process of loading it. I'm pretty sure she'd try to unload it if it was running!

I had nothing to do with teaching her that. I dislike hate unloading the dishwasher. I will load it, because I like knowing that the dishes are going to get clean, but I really could deal with not having to unload it. I'd probably just keep taking clean dishes out of the dishwasher if I could.

Kidding aside, my husband is probably stricter than I am. I am more likely to bend when I think I should buy something for my daughter, or give her a little taste of ice cream after dinner. I figure, as long as she's getting her healthy food, a small taste won't kill her. Not that John won't do anything like that. I'm just more lenient. Even when it comes to discipline. I don't like to make Hannah cry. I don't like to do anything that is going to upset her. By the same token, I am also not going to tolorate her hitting me in the face (...still workin' on that one) whenever she feels like it, but John is much more likely to react than I am.

That said, I don't think all dads are like that. I don't think all dads are as lenient as the video makes them out to be either. I like to think there is more of a middle ground than the video lets on, and that is where most dads will fall. But, (and facts will back me up) there are more stay-at-home-moms than there are SAHD's, so the dads just want their kids to think they're the coolest guy ever on the planet when they are home from work. That's all it is. Nothing more, nothing less.

So check out the video. What do you think?