2 days and counting...

I can't believe there's only 2 more days at my job. I'm kind of starting to panic, wondering if I made the right choice. I feel like by constantly telling people that I've made the right choice, that I'm really trying to convince myself of it. Problem is, I really want to be someone to make a difference in someones life. I guess I like the feeling of knowing I've made an impact, and since that feeling comes so rarely in life, it's nice to have a job in which I know I do it every day. But at the same time, I was listening to John at dinner, and he was talking about how he was really able to reach one of his students today, and I think "Man - that's what I want... I want to be the POSITIVE impact on someones life, not just the crappy social worker that showed up."

I know that I've made a positive impact in some peoples lives. I also know I've made a not so positive one too. But that comes with the territory I suppose.

I'm adding another New Years Resolution onto my list this year. And it's a big one. This year, I'm going to be a better friend. I'm going to try to cultivate my friendships more, and work towards having the really close friends I've always felt I've wanted, but haven't felt I've had in a very long time. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, and I miss them all very much. I'm going to branch out and be the whineyest I've been in a long time right now, so bear with me. I'm also going to go out on a limb and be very open. I have some issues that have developed in my life that make it very hard for me to do any of that. 1) I've recently discovered through lots of therapy that I have social anxiety. The idea of going anywhere with almost anyone makes me very, very nervous. I need to have left by a certain time. I need to be home more than not right now. I'm okay with having people over, but I don't want people to stay long, unless it's only one or two of them. Lots of my friends want to know why I don't play games when I hang out. Same reason. I get to nervous to play, and I literally can't. This is also part of the reason my job was very hard for me. I would get terrible anxiety when going out on home visits. 2)I have an attachment issue. I always feel as if I've become friends with people, but when I find out in any way, shape or form that the other person perceives our friendship to be any less than what I considered it to be, I take it as a personal insult, and become very hurt. Thus adding to my anxiety.

Keeping those things in mind, this is where I need my friends help: Ask me to do stuff. Invite me out places. Call me. ANYTHING. I need to start working on ways to get over these things. I want to not feel like I'd rather be at home all the time, or that if I think I'd like to leave by 6pm, that at 6pm on the nose I have to walk out the door.

Okay, now that I've gotten that out in the open, I can move on with the rest of my post...

I bought an elliptical machine! YAY! I haven't gotten it yet, but it shipped today, and I'm SOOOOO excited to get it so I can start working out! I've taken up yoga again, which is exciting. But lately my back has really been bothering me, and the yoga has only exacerbated it. This weekend I'm going to try out the deep rest meditation on one of the DVD's. It makes for such a better feeling than taking a nap, and I highly recommend that to anyone - in my mind, it's the best part of yoga! I need to try out the one I have so I can tell Kim if she can borrow it. Also, I lost another 2.8 pounds this week, which was exciting. Everyone keep sending me skinny vibes!