houses, houses, houses

Today John and I go to look at our first series of houses, which is really exciting! We're going to look at two in Northwood and a few in New Durham and possibly one in Rochester today. I'm really excited, but at the same time, I'm really nervous! I think part of what makes me nervous is that we're not quite at the place of being able to make an offer on a house, but I don't want to get out there today and see one that I LOVE and we can't make an offer on it. We're also meeting with the guy that did our mortgage pre-approval to talk to him about the process and some of the "unexpected expenses" of buying a house. John keeps reminding me that we're not quite in the place, financially, to make an offer yet, and I have to be okay with that. It's hard to think that we may end up having to pass up the house of our dreams! Hopefully next weekend, though, we're going to look at some in Alton, and there is one there that we both really like that we're pretty optimistic about.
So I guess that's where we stand about that now... Last night I laid in bed and I was telling John that for some reason I was really upset but I couldn't put my finger on why. And I was, too, I wasn't just saying that. I still haven't quite been able to put my finger on what it was/is. I started noticing it when I was at work yesterday and I was talking to Cheryl about the differences between the Rochester and Portsmouth D.O.'s, and I discovered that I really, really missed the Rochester office. There's just something about the way they do it there that I loved and that I missed. So part of me keeps hoping that a position opens up over there at some point and I can transfer. And I think the other part of it is that I'm at this point at my job where I don't know if I'm going to like this job as much as I had thought/hoped. It's not that I don't love it now, it's just that I don't see myself doing it forever, and I find that frustrating. I don't really know what I do see myself doing though, which makes it even harder.
I think some of the other part of that feeling came from being nervous about the house hunting. Nervous and frustrated. I'm one of those people that I want it all, and I want it all now. And I think some of it is that I keep getting this feeling from John that he just isn't interested in buying a house now. Interested in looking, yeah, but not so much in buying. That's hard for me. Mostly because I really haven't been very happy here in Concord. I mean, who's to say that when we get a house, I won't be "not happy" there either (double negative, I know, sorry!) and that would be MUCH harder to get out of than an apartment with a lease. But I think my unhappiness has stemmed from 1) apartment living - I'm kinda tired of it! I'm tired of the neighbors, I'm tired of not having a space that I feel is MINE, I'm tired of being terrified that the cats will rip up the carpet, or that the oil that keeps coming off of John's desk chair has stained the carpet in the living room... At least if it were our own home, it wouldn't matter. 2) Lack of friends/acquaintances in the area - I know there aren't a lot of my friends left on the seacoast, but there are more over there than there are here. (Sorry Sarah L.) Not to mention the fact that I'd actually be able to have a social relationship with people from work - I've passed up the last two get-togethers after work because my drive is a little over an hour to get home and I don't want to be out super late, since I have to get up so early for the same reason.
Okay, I'm done ranting and raving. I'm kind of hungry, so I think I'll go make some hot chocolate, eat something and see what's on TV or pop in a movie or something. How am I doing today? Thanks for asking!