I need to find a way to go to my happy place. I've been in such a horrible mood all night, and John just got home, is in the shower whistling that fucking song from the Polar Express soundtrack, and I just want to go in there and punch him. Not because I'm mad at him, but you know how when someone does something that for no particular reason just pisses you off like it's nobody's business? Yeah, that's how I feel about it. He's been home for all of 45 minutes, and I've done nothing but look forward to seeing him all day... It doesn't help that I've had dreams about him cheating on me lately, and I've just been so rediculously down on myself that I can't even stand it. I so don't want to go to work tomorrow either, for fear of flipping out completely on someone. Did you know I have 27 cases on my caseload. Yeah, you read right - TWENTY - FUCKING - SEVEN. 9 weeks and counting until my year is up. I'm DYING to get out at this point. Like you have no idea. It's like I keep saying - I have tons of respect for the job, and I totally believe in what people in my job do. But I can't do it. I can't! And I'm sick of pretending that I can, or trying to tell the world that my job is great and wonderful and I love it. I don't love it! I don't love the awesome responsibility that comes with it (and I don't mean the awesome like the "Hey cool!" awesome), and I don't love the fact that I never know if I've made the right choice.
Anyway, I need to stop ranting for tonight. I have to. Or everyone will start to think I'm nuts.
Going to my happy place now. Wake me up in February.
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