Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had done things differently. Now, don't get me wrong, I am very, VERY happy with my life right now. I love my husband and my house and wouldn't trade them for anything! But yesterday I was walking through downtown Portsmouth on my way to a home visit for work, and I walked past this apartment building that really made me wonder what my life would have been like if, say, I'd gone to college in a different town, or if John and I didn't reconnect and eventually fall in love, etc. It was this big ol' brick building, the kind you would see in Boston, or Washington D.C. Okay, definitely don't get me wrong, I really don't want to live in either of those places, but you get what I mean, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my life had been done differently if I would have better stayed in touch with my friends from high school and/or college. I feel like the people I was such good friends with and I have drifted apart so much that I don't really know anything about them anymore, but I feel like I should be so much more in touch with them. Maybe some of it has to do with my recent discovery of the anxiety I have when I go out.
That's a whole different story though. I've recently started paying more attention to(though I've been aware of it for some time) the almost paralyzing anxiety I get when I go out somewhere, ususally by myself. There are some places that I don't get it - my next door neighbors house, work, church, church related meetings, out with a friend (so long as it's something that I initiate). But that's about it! But I'm okay when it comes to having people over. It's really bizarre.
Work was awful today. One of my clients was arrested last night. Another one was indicted on perjury charges. It seems like every time I turn around one of my assessments is blowing up, or I'm getting a new one to add to my caseload of... well 17 currently. Then if that's not bad enough, I'm getting yelled at by my supervisor because I was out sick all last week and my supervisor was yelling at me today about how I've got to make time in my day tomorrow to see three families. That's not so much the issue, as I've got to be at RCIA at 7pm. I really need to be there because I missed last week due to being ill and I CAN'T miss this week. I was, and am, really excited about being on the team this year that when I told my supervisor that it was going to be hard to fit all of that in because I need to be in Dover at 7pm and she said "Well, I guess you'll have to make it work." Or something to that effect. I came home totally ready to cry and I'm SO ready to be done with this. I just can't continue like this.
Anyway, that's enough ranting and raving for tonight. Oh, I'm having a jewelry party on Oct. 11th at 7pm. Its a Wednesday. If you're interested in coming, just e-mail me an RSVP so I can plan enough snacks.
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