Doctors today

Today I go to my primary care doctor to have the follow up from when I was in the hospital. He didn't tell me I couldn't eat any breakfast or anything before I go, but I'm going to fast until I get there, because I don't know what kind of tests (if any) he'll order. I'm hoping he will order something! Just saying "You have a kidney infection" isn't going to cut it with me anymore. So basically I'm going to go in and demand a referral to the kidney specialist (who can't take me in until June 1st), demand they get me in with the nephrologist sooner, and demand that they do some of the legwork. I don't want to be told that the antibiotics did their job because that's just bullshit.
Yesterday I was going to try to have a sitdown with my supervisor at work and let her know that I was having a hard time feeling like I was connecting with her. Some of that is really no one's fault, just scheduling issues - I haven't had supervision for two weeks! So anyway, I was all prepared to meet up with her, when she came up to me and asked if she could meet with me earlier than planned, because she had to leave in the afternoon. So I was like "yeah, sure, no problem" and we met right then. So after going through all of my cases, and figuring out where I was at with all of them, she was like "so, how's everything else going?" And I was all prepared to lead up to how I felt that I was having a hard time connecting with her, and I got out about how I felt that I was feeling disconnected from everyone in the office (which to some degree is true), and then I was all ready to launch into how I was feeling about her, and I just got this sense that she wasn't listening. I didn't even approach it. Then when Cheryl asked me how it went (Cheryl is my mentor, and she would be the first person I would talk to about that stuff), I told her that I couldn't even get into it with Tricia (my supervisor), and that what I was able to get out probably didn't make much of an impact. She's going to talk to Thom (Cheryl's supervisor - who I happen to have a great relationship with), and hopefully the 3 of us can figure out how to approach this.
I think part of the disconnect has come from me just being out of the office, but at the same time, I get nervous that this job really isn't for me... I thought I was going to go at it with all of this gusto, and I haven't. I haven't shirked my responsibilities at work, in fact, I've embraced them, but sometimes I just don't know if this was the right decision for me. It makes me so sad, I don't even know where to start. I think I'm going to have to go back on my wellbutrin, I told John the other day. I don't want too, but I can feel myself crashing down, and I want to put the brakes on that before I hit the bottom and do something to ruin my relationship with John, blow the chances of buying a house, etc. I love and respect John too much to put him through that with me. But mostly, I respect myself too much to let my past come back to haunt me.
The worst feeling in the world is knowing that the system has failed someone. I know people that have been failed by the state, and I don't want to let that happen. I feel like I'm taking on the world, and maybe I am, but I don't think I would live with myself knowing I failed someone...
Anyway, this is a depressing entry - I started it with the intent of just talking about my doctors appointment today, and it turned into everything about my job... I guess that's my signal to go shower and get on with my day.

Big Decision

Okay, so it's not that big in relation to buying a house, BUT, I've decided to become a consultant for the Pampered Chef. Anyone who isn't familiar with the Pampered Chef should e-mail me or IM me to find out more about it, because it's really a neat company. They sell all sorts of cookware and kitchen gadgets, and they have a lot of perks for the consultants (i.e. money, free products, trips, etc.). I was really back and forth last night about whether or not I wanted to do Pampered Chef or Silpada (which is a company that sells stearling silver jewelry), but ultimately went with Pampered Chef because the incentives were good for BOTH John and I, not just me, and you have the ability to set up a website through Pampered Chef where people can order products through me.
I'm really excited to get started, and I'm hoping that people will support me in this endeavor! It's going to be a source of extra income for us as we start working on putting together a new house, and needing to get new furniture and whatnot.
So, if you're interested in hosting a party, some dates I've got set aside for it specifically are May 13th, June 10, July 8 and July 15. I could throw in a couple other weekends there too, but I wanted to make sure that everyone is aware that I cannot do June 3rd or 4th (thats the weekend we're moving), June 17th (my sister is graduating from high school!) and the first weekend in July (the 1st or 2nd) because we are hoping to have our housewarming party then.
So think about it and let me know. Thanks guys!!!

May 30th

May 30th is the magic date! We got the house, which was amazing, because there are still offers coming in on it!!! We close on May 30th, which is almost a full month earlier than we were expecting, but that's GREAT for us to get out of our lease.

So at some point we'll be having a housewarming cookout or something so everyone can come see our new place. Granted, at the moment, we don't have enough furniture to fill the place yet, but I'm sure that will come with time :-) Oh, and bring your swim suits when you come - we're going to have a hot tub that seats 5!

So thanks for all the love and good thoughts, they worked!!!

I just got this

I just got this e-mail from our realtor:

I just got a call from the agent...she is meeting with the sellers tonight at 8:45pm...she thinks they will accept and change nothing in the offer and we are all set
for the home inspection tomorow night...see you at 5...I will meet you at the property. Don't forget to bring both the first and second deposit check to the home inspection. I will congratulate you as soon as I have the paperwork in had...:)

w00p w00p w00p w00p w00p w00p w00p w00p w00p w00p w00p!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even begin to tell you how psyched I am!!!!

Here's where we're at right now

So last night we went to see 3 more houses. We made an offer on one last night. It is this great 4 bedroom cape in E. Rochester. It's just so perfect! It's in great shape, hardly any work needs to be done to it, and, to top it off, I had a dream about making an offer on this exact house at one point! Our realtor is a little nervous though, because of the condition of the house and the asking price, she's pretty sure we'll be tied up in a multi-offer situation. So we had to make our offer look at appealing as possible. We still haven't heard anything yet, but then, the sellers have 48 hours to respond to an offer. I am hoping they're not taking so long because they got more than one offer last night. So everyone be sending love and happy thoughts our way. I will post as soon as I can after we hear anything.
The house is everything we could want, it's got just the right number of rooms, it has a finished basement that John can make into a lesson/practice studio, it just all seems to good to be true. So again, keep the love and happy thoughts coming - I hope we'll have an answer tonight!

Back to life again...

So this has been an interesting week thus far - Sunday, John and I brought our parents to see the house we had the offer on, and after them going through it all, we realized this was not the house we want, and ended up backing out of the deal yesterday.
Sunday night, John and I were just hanging out at home, when suddenly, I started to not feel so well. By 8:30 I was in bed, and by 9, I was EXTREMELY sick - I won't give you the details, but I'll put it this way: Picture the Norwalk Virus, or an insanely bad flu - now picture it all coming on within 20 minutes. But on top of it, I was having pain in my kidney area. I've had two prior kidney infections, and I knew that if it wasn't treated, it could make you very sick and then spread into your bloodstream. So at midnight, I had John drive me to the ER. At first they thought they would just give me something for nausea and maybe an antibiotic via IV, but when they drew blood and got the results, they were like "Umm, we're going to have to admit you - you have a very serious kidney infection and you need IV antibiotics." I had spiked a fever of 102.1 and was seriously dehydrated (as I had been unable to keep even water down). So at 2 in the morning, I was officially admitted into the hospital. John stayed with me until about 3:30, then went back home to sleep. He came back the next day though, as did my mom after she got out of work, and I spent a lot of time on the phone with people. I got IV antibiotics about every 12 hours, which made me kind of drowsy. My fever kept going up and down, but fortunately it was not even reaching the point it was at before. Finally, today, my doctor came in and said they would start me on oral antibiotics, and depending on how I tolerated it, I would be released tonight. I slept pretty well last night, with my fever breaking sometime during the night. It kept going up and down a little, but it was minor - like from 99.3 to 97.1 to 99.3 again. Fortunately, I tolerated the medication just fine, and was discharged around 5.
So now I'm home, and it's back to life as usual. I have to follow up with my doctor in 2 weeks, and we'll see what's going on then. I hope I'm fully better by then. I still have some slight pain in my kidney area, and I also have some pain in my upper back, which is weird, because I didn't have that before. I'm attributing it to the incredibly uncomfortable beds.
So I'm going to go relax some more and just be happy to not have an IV in my arm anymore.

...and I yanked it from Sarah!

1) Of the various cultures, ethnicities or nationalities you belong to, which most strongly do you consider yourself?
I am German with French extraction, but I guess I consider myself French. I don't consider myself to be German at all. Which is funny because before being adopted my last name was Barhitte.

2) Is there a culture you cannot claim heritage from but which you feel quite close to?
I'm convinced that I am actually English and Spanish - English because that's what my adoptive family is (on both sides) and Spanish just because I'm pretty sure that's what I really am.

3) What's one language you wish you knew fluently?
Spanish.

4) If you could move anywhere in the world and be guaranteed a job, etc., where would you go?
Florence!

5) If you had a time machine, and could witness any one event without altering or disturbing it, what would you want to see?
Either the birth or the crusifixion of Jesus. I'm not entirely sure which yet.